Bonus Post 19 – Mike’s “Short List” By Division

One thing that was perfectly clear from the most recent episode: Mike knows his NFL alignment pretty well.

So, we shall review that short list in writing and by division:

  • NFC North
    • Chicago – Maybe; Keith’s team (Keith being a Chicago native), but almost didn’t make the list at all primarily because of Mike’s previous (mostly unpleasant) experience in Chicago.
    • Detroit – No; the team had an 0-16 season in 2008.
    • Green Bay – On the list; Mike’s sister is one of the many Packers fans who also owns a share of the team.
    • Minnesota – Maybe; while Mike likes Minneapolis, the Vikings’ owners were PS (Pro-Stan).
  • NFC South
    • Atlanta – No; owner was PS, and the city is ground zero in the “how old is too old for stadiums” debate (Georgia Dome was only 25 years old when it was torn down in favor of the monstrosity that is Mercedes-Benz Stadium; Turner Field was 19 years old when the Braves fled to the suburbs).
    • Carolina – No; despite owner Jerry Richardson being one of the likely two “No” votes in the final vote and being very pro-St. Louis (he was also one of the five pro-Carson votes on the ignored LA committee), the team historically has too many thugs on their roster.
    • New Orleans – Yes; Mike has familial ties to Louisiana.
    • Tampa Bay – No; the Glazers also own Manchester United, which Mike famously hates.
  • NFC East
    • Dallas – HELL No!; Jerry F@#$ing Jones was Señor Stan’s biggest cheerleader for Inglewood.
    • NY Football Giants – Yes; owner was one of the five pro-Carson votes on the ignored LA committee.
    • Philadelphia – Yes; despite the owner being PS, Mike had always been a closeted Eagles fan.
    • Washington – No; owner was PS, and the team still needs to change the nickname.
  • NFC West
    • Arizona – Yes; The ultimate choice for Mike’s replacement team, simply because the owner was pro-St. Louis and was likely one of the two “No” votes in that final tally.
    • LA Professional Liars – This was the team that Mike had been a fan of his whole life until they lied their way out of St. Louis for no good reason. Enjoy the lawsuits and total lack of fan support, Señor Stan (and your professional ass-kisser Demoff, too)!
    • San Francisco – HELL No!; Considering which team Mike had long supported, why would he all of a sudden start supporting their most hated rival?
    • Seattle – No; Owner was PS.
  • AFC North
    • Baltimore – No; Owner was PS (to the point of questioning why there was even a team in St. Louis!), the team – like Carolina – relies heavily on thugs on their roster, and the team’s origins (a result of the Art Modell stunt) are all negatives.
    • Cincinnati – Maybe; Despite the owner being PS and the team’s long history of playoff futility.
    • Cleveland – Yes; Mike attended the 1999 Hall of Fame Game with seats in the famous Dawg Pound, which was a largely positive experience.
    • Pittsburgh – Yes; owner was one of the five pro-Carson votes on the ignored LA committee, and familial ties – his father is a Pittsburgh native.
  • AFC South
    • Houston – Yes; owner was one of the five pro-Carson votes on the ignored LA committee, and familial ties – most of his late mother’s family lives in the Houston area.
    • Indianapolis – Yes; despite the owner being PS, the Colts had long been Mike’s #2 team after the Professional Liars and share a lot of history via ownership, players, and playing in domes along I-70.
    • Jacksonville – No; owner was initially screwed out of buying the team in St. Louis, then bought Señor Stan’s bulls@#$ reasons for ripping the team out of town. Also not helped by his stewardship of Fulham FC (relegated from Premier League twice now since he bought the club).
    • Tennessee – No; Mike’s feelings toward his former team echo his late mother’s feelings towards the former Houston Oilers – she referred to them post-move as “the Spoilers.”
  • AFC East
    • Buffalo – No; new owner was PS.
    • Miami – No; owner was PS AND anti-Raiders moving to Vegas.
    • New England – No; despite owner being one of the five pro-Carson votes on the ignored LA committee, the Patriots were not considered due to familial pressure.
    • NY Jets – No; owner was PS.
  • AFC West
    • Denver – Maybe; pop culture references (South Park, Simpsons) and John Elway’s stewardship of the team warranted consideration.
    • Kansas City – HELL No!; Despite Mike being a native Kansas Citian, he has never been – and never will be – a fan of the local NFL team for a number of reasons, including their owner being the only pro-Inglewood (and therefore PS) vote on the ignored LA committee.
    • LA Chargers – Intentionally excluded out of respect to and in solidarity with San Diego fans. That said, unlike Señor Stan’s Merry Band of Professional Liars, the Chargers EARNED the right to play in LA.
    • Raiders – Intentionally excluded out of respect to and in solidarity with Oakland fans.

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